The Long Awaited

Well here it is in all its beautiful unbelievable heartbreaking reality...
I guess I was wrong...I don't miss my heart. It's in a better place. :)
What I miss most about Lugazi, Uganda is them: And this.... was the lesson I loved most and will never forget. Learning "Masquerade" from Les Miserables and then putting on our own.

My secret favorite lesson however was Soulja Boy. You can watch the video here. (Although it's better if you don't judge me, I've already come to grips with the fact that I'm going straight to h-e-double-hockey-sticks for it) :)

On a lighter note...the following are a few things I certainly DON'T miss about Uganda. :)

The lovely latrine. The appealing food. And the mosquito nets...or maybe it's the REASON we had to use them..... Either way, when it's all said and done, I'd go back a million more times and serve in a million more capacities and probably still wish I could stay longer and do more.

Most of you might think I'm crazy - I think we've established that in post's past - but I love these people. Before, I said that I had learned a whole NEW kind of love. But I think I was wrong. Being in Africa didn't teach me a new kind of love, it showed me a new depth of compassion and sacrifice, which taught me more about what love IS.

I learned more about myself and my uncompromising weaknesses within the short moments I spent with them, than I ever thought possible. I realized I know very little about most things...most important things anyway. Like love, strength, compassion, forgiveness, faith, sacrifice, and fortune. I am starting to understand that it's possible I may never fully grasp these concepts. And maybe that's why...I see them as "concepts" and not as expressions, instruments, perceptions. I believe it is within our power to make conscious decisions about our perceptions and therefore change the world. Change ourselves. I learned by being in Lugazi that part of the reason I was created, was to create the goodness and mercy He foresaw in the world. Weren't we all? I'll probably never understand the way in which He loves us, or why....but I've come to know a piece of how...and that's through us.

My African Farewell

I feel so much pressure with the amount of people my mom tells me are reading my blog. So much so in fact, I've feared the computer. :) I decided however, that I'd face my fears today and leave behind something that can be funneled into history: An African Farewell.

To date, it has been 35 days since I first touched African soil, and since that time I've found that being 10,000 miles away from home isn't easy. I've also realized that the term "home" has several different applications and definitions... all of which I'm still figuring out.

Today, being the last in Africa, has been...well...foggy. I did not realize how hard it would be to leave. How silly, that I'm sitting here fighting back the tears just writing it. This will be my last time in a rickety little rundown internet cafe, the last time I walk around aimlessly through Lugazi town, and the last time I hear, "Mzungu" 20 times in a 2 minute stretch while waving my hand like a celebrity.

It's the people who I'll miss so much.
The children in my neighborhood that have committed my name to memory and insist on screaming it four or five times every time they see me...just to make sure I heard them. Usually it ends up coming out sounding something like, "Maralee!! Maraleeeee!!" I've never smiled so big in my life.

The students in my Crane's Junior class who came by my house this morning with letters just to say goodbye. Mustering up a smile through all the salty tears was difficult.
Caroline. I'm grateful that our farewell was not with talk of "Goodbyes" but silent, with a kite and a big ball of sun.

So what did I take away from all this?

Well, I'm leaving a much stronger person than when I came. Not merely by physical measure, but spiritual as well. This experience has not only strengthened my testimony.... it has strengthened my character, my countenance, and has brought me closer to my Savior. Because of my time here, I've come to realize the true meaning of service and come to know a whole NEW meaning of love. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that freedom...peace...unity...happiness...they're all just words. Whether they exist or not it's the people, the character of the individual, that gives them meaning and therefore value. I've found hope here in Africa, and there is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and empowerment in its wake. Maybe I can't save the whole world today, but I'm counting Lugazi, Uganda as Done and Done. :)

The Inevitable List

I knew this list would come, I just didn't realize I would feel so passionately about it when it got here. I call it: The top 10 reasons I miss America. I realize this idea is not an original one. I also realize I'm in a 3rd world country and whining about missed conveniences. But yet here they are... in no particular order.

1. Being barefoot. Or at least not being afraid to be barefoot.
2. Hot water. I'd even settle for just clean water. Sometimes, we don't even have ANY water.
3. Croutons. And cold milk, chips & salsa, (safe) meat, ice cubes, chocolate, soft bread....oh this list could just go on forever. All I want to do is eat something and not fear that death will shortly follow. :)
4. Clean good smelling clothing. Good smells at all would be super.
5. Seat belts. Speed limits. Enough said.
6. My family (even the ones not related to me). My girls. My boy. My NIECE AND NEPHEW. *said with an exasperated awful sounding whiny groan*
7. Dependable constant electricity. It's available, but only when it decides it wants to be.
8. Fair, fixed prices: There have been so many times I've wanted to shout, "It's because I'm WHITE isn't it."
9. The controlled mosquito population.... you know, the ones without malaria.

I'm feeling a little bit of pressure here, this last one has to be good...I'm gonna go with....

10. Sanity. Because it seems I left mine at home. Who tries their guardian angels in Africa...not once.....but like a trillion times? Whoever she is, she's having an awfully difficult time keeping me breathing. Perhaps I should help her out a little. :)

I'm positive this list is going to pale in comparison to its counterpart, which will be written in 5 days, entitled "Everything I miss about Uganda." And #1 will be - My heart. Most of it, if not all of it, will be left behind.

A what? An update.

Olyotea!
I wanted to let you know what I've been up to the last little while and also give you some good news....I've decided to leave part of me here on purpose...! That way, when I die (after having been to many other places like Lugazi), I'll die having scattered my love all over the world. (and St. Peter won't be able to deny me entrance.) :)

I've been working a lot with my little Crane's Junior class recently. I think I'm just about the most politically INcorrect teacher in the world, but there is no where else on earth I'd rather be right now. Every time I leave there is a group of girls that insist on walking me home. I have become so fond of them, particularly Askahmn and Shamira who are definitely a part of me now and will be hard to say goodbye to.
I've also been able to work with Caroline, the little girl who is mute and deaf, at the hospital a few more times. I took her for a little walk, we climbed a tree, looked at the birds, colored some pictures, played a few games, jumped rope, flew a kite......all in all she's teaching ME more than i could ever leave with her. I can't stand the thought of knowing her future will never be all it could be. She'll never receive what she deserves, yet she is closer to God than I'll ever hope to be in this life. And for now, spending some time under the sun with some crayons and a loving heart might be all she really needs.
I try to steer clear of the Maternity ward, but I've volunteered at the hospital a few more times, reading to the children afflicted with malaria, bathing the babies, comforting, cleaning, and assisting. It's been great!

I've also spent a lot more time with the children we visit who have disabilities, including Pius. We were able to provide wheelchairs, mattresses, bed pans, and many other needed supplies to the families of these children with our project funds. It's been incredible being a part of it all. We had goals for each of the kids and their families to reach in order to get their equipment... some learning to read, others learning the alphabet, or to recognize letters, making a sound, stretching their limbs, or the simple act of eating every day. They all reached their goals! In fact most went above and beyond! It was incredible.

I've kept up my visits to the orphanages in both Lugazi and Jinja. We play with them, provide clothes and supplies, watch movies, and give our love. It has been such a rewarding opportunity. We work a lot with the primary and secondary schools as well, teaching classes on English, nutrition, sex ed, business, history, music, and so much more. We were able to put together a library with over 2000 of the books we had donated for all the schools to use. We also built a brick addition to the Ssanyu school so they can educate more children. Needless to say it was laborious and expensive, but so worth it!

The last thing I've been working on is Adobe stoves and square foot gardens. We have about 13 stoves yet to finish and only 4 working days to get it done. We're all feeling a little overwhelmed. We've made it possible for almost every primary school (elementary school) in Lugazi to have one of each, and have taught countless others how to do it and keep it going. We're so proud of that!

Anyway, so far, Cranes has been my favorite place to be in Africa. I'm starting to feel like what I want to do with my life is become teacher. I love to teach. There are a lot of things I love though, and in some ways, I feel like this trip to Africa has made things more confusing for me in that regard, and for a while it really discouraged me.

But then I realized that God has been here with me every moment. He wants me to take it one step at a time and make the smaller right decisions.... the ones that shape a persons character and not their career path or marital status. I feel comforted in knowing I am doing a good thing in Lugazi. I'm confident He's aware of my presence here. He's guided me and granted me His wisdom on so many different occasions. Maybe it's enough just to be here. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned that I had not intended for myself. How presumptuous of me to think that I knew what I'd take away from this experience. I'm fighting so hard to be in control of my life that I'm oblivious to His plan for me. Here, His love is everywhere. I'm grateful for these people, for their example to me and for their faith in God. I'm grateful to be ABLE to serve them.... I know I've already made a significant difference and carved the way for it to continue.

I just want to say thank you, for supporting me, for loving me despite my adventurous stupidity on occasion, and for believing in me. I can't wait to show you more pictures and tell you all the stories with the silly facial expressions and fluctuations. :)

New Complex: Bungee Jumping into the Nile

....I'll start from the beginning.

It was Friday, August 8, 2008, 6:15 pm.
We drove up to the Adrift Campground in Jinja, Uganda to wait for the rest of our group who wanted to join us for some unintelligently suicidal fun. It was a beautiful place, situated on the River Nile in the middle of the rain forest. It actually seemed pretty surreal that I was even standing there. It cost us about 65 US dollars to sign up, and it cost me about half my life preparing to jump by watching the other crazies do it. From where I stood, the fragility of life became glaringly significant.

The sun was setting and it was time to go, so I started up the steep hike towards the tower. My body was on FIRE with crazy anxiety and nervous laughter. From where I stood, the tower looked perilous and daunting. What was I even doing? Each stair, ready to break in half with any step, seemed steeper than the last. I paused frequently to "take in the view" (and a few deep breaths). Holy crap! I was about to jump off a 150 foot platform into the Nile! No. Big. Deal.

My poor mother.

I was feeling pretty tough and indestructible - so I volunteered to go first. To my surprise, it was two gentlemen from New Zealand running the show...with a calming humor about them... and friendly smiles as if to say, "I promise I won't kill you." They weighed me, sat me down in what, to me, resembled an electric chair, and then wrapped a wet towel around my ankles. My mind was going a million miles an hour. I actually started feeling a little dizzy. But..I stood up with confidence, now fully equipped by African standards to adequately risk my life, and shuffled/hopped to the rickety wooden plank. Only problem now was as soon as I got there I wanted to get down... and in a way that DIDN'T involve the act of jumping. I was freaking out in my mind, while trying to keep a tough exterior. I was so close to backing out - distracting the people in charge of making sure I go through with it, and coolly wiping the sweat off my forehead.

This next part, I blame on my brother.

They took the long heavy cord attached to my feet and put it over the edge. It reminded me of watching someone who was about to experience death by cement shoe drowning. I was pretty much to the point of PURE GIRLY RIDICULOUSNESS. But then, the face of my brother Riley popped into my skull. I was not only aware that he would be supremely disappointed in and ashamed of me if I hesitated for even one more second, I was aware that he had, over the last 22 years, given me a morbid sense of adventure and suicidal carelessness....and that I was about to throw myself off that cliff despite every shred of sense I possessed.

They told me if I wanted my hands to graze the top of the river, I needed to jump straight out and do a big Pocahontas swan dive. And well, maybe I should have protested. The last time I did a swan dive (at the encouragement of my older brother) at the Meridian Swimming Pool when I was 15 years old, I ended up doing one sweetly massive belly flop off the high dive in front of my entire Young Men/Young Women's group AND the man I was in love with...resulting in a great story of "one of my most embarrassing moments" for posterity's sake. I couldn't help but smile a little bit remembering that story on top of a small wooden board in Uganda about to do something similarly stupid. Oh man. So - they counted down from 3 - 3,2,1...Bungee...and I just jumped. Straight out. Pocahontas style. I remember feeling TERRIFYINGLY surprised at how fast I was falling. And then I made stupid move #2 by diving down head first, resulting in my falling even FASTER. That was the moment I, Mallory Hurst, experienced sheer...unadulterated...terror. People throw that word around. I only wish there were one more suitable.

All I could do was stare at the water approaching and put my arms out as if by some magical force it would stop me. And then all of a BLOODY sudden, I hit the water face first with both eyes wide open (unintentional stupid move #3)... and plunged through the river, in all its Nile glory, up to my knees. The cord whipped me back up, which was the last direction on earth I wanted to go, giving me just the right amount of time to plot the way in which I was going to KILL the person who suggested I do this. And then I went into a fit of laughter as I realized I had just developed a complex, and would sooner want malaria than to do that again.

Battle wounds: 1
I noticed later that night that the left side of my left eye was completely full of blood. The impact had popped a few blood vessels.../slash/ all of them....making the entire left side of it completely red. Perhaps I should have ALSO envisioned the frequent emergency room visits my brother encountered while building up my false courage.

Publisher's Note: I won't be putting up any pictures again until I get home... in 13 days... :)... because LIKE the Nile River, the computer viruses have completely taken me over.

Moment of Sun

Being in Africa has changed me. Of that, I am certain. There have been times when I've felt as though my heart would never recover from something I witnessed, and times when I realized that... well... maybe I didn't want it to.

The other day, my heart caught a glimpse of heaven. I was on my way to Entebbe in a taxi full of people...when immediately my eyes were drawn to a beautiful baby girl about 5 months old. I don't know what it is inside me that is so drawn to children, but I couldn't take my eyes off her. After fidgeting and dying a little inside to be able to hold her, I built up the courage to ask her mother, who then happily placed her in my arms. I learned that the sweet infant's name was Faith, and had recently contracted malaria. Because her mother could not afford the medical bills, she feared her daughter's life would be taken by it. So, she was on her way to introduce Faith to her father for what she believed would be her first...and last time.

My heart literally broke in two. I just stared into her beautiful brown eyes and, like so many other instances here in Africa, I found myself asking God, "Why"? "If God loves us, why does he allow us to suffer so much? War. Pestilence. Famine...Why doesn't he stop it? What possible point can there be to such a tragedy? Doesn't God love us?..."

The truth is that He does, and it is through our suffering that, we not only find God, we come to realize that our true good and happiness lies in another world - and that this life is for our preparation to earn it. "We're like blocks of stone, out of which the sculptor carves the forms of men. The blows of his chisel, which hurt us so much, are what make us perfect. The suffering in the world is not the failure of God's love for us; it is that love in action." I believe we all understood that by coming to earth, we would be exposed to all of the experiences of earth life, including the trials of pain, suffering, and hopelessness. If that were all we knew of the plan I doubt any of us would have embraced it. But it all came into focus, and it became acceptable, even desirable, when an Elder brother stepped forward and offered that He would go down and make it all right. Out of pain & suffering He would bring peace. Out of hopelessness He would bring hope. Maybe alternatively to the neglect we feel from our Father in Heaven in our moments of despair, we are really being loved beyond our capacity to understand. We cannot avoid or deny the difficult paths of suffering, and hope to be perfected in Christ. He knows the paths we walk, for He has known the way with us.

My teary eyes were now focused on the angel in my arms. If in fact she was taken from this life - it is through the grace of God she would be reunited with her mother. A woman who no doubt will have weathered the storm and held fast with.... Faith: In its most simplistic childlike form. I handed the infant back, thanked her, and turned just as the sun hit my face.... knowing a little better the reasons for Christ's suffering, the suffering of His people, and my own.

I'll never forget her. She's a part of me now. A part of my eternal existence. I thanked Him silently for the wonder of His ways.... and continued down the muddy road in silence.

(Ideas from Shadowlands by William Nicholson)